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breaking news...

Buddahboy_1 As England shovelled mince pies down their necks and fell asleep in front of Harry Potter, people in Eastern Nepal must have had quite a shock yesterday when a teenager reappeared in a forest, after disappearing for nine months. Apparently sixteen-year-old Ram Bahadur Bamjon is letting fascinated onlookers believe he’s the reincarnation of Lord Buddah and spouting lines such as "I am engaged in devotion which will continue for six years," whilst sitting cross legged under a tree, eating herbs. The media can’t get enough. The public are bowing before him in prayer.  The whole country’s gone mad for it.

Now, don’t get us wrong but surely if the same thing happened in London, we’d hand the boy a quid for a cheeseburger and tell him to lie low till the magic mushrooms wore off. When Jason Donovan went missing for several years and turned up grinning (and thinning) in an Australian rainforest, no one batted an eyelid. But then again, when Take That succumbed to rubbish jobs and cutting ribbons at the opening of local envelopes, only to return minus Robbie in a tour, we applauded their efforts and all rushed out to buy their new album.

So maybe the shroom-wielding Buddah boy’s on to something after all…

the best Christmas dinner we ate all day...

Turkey ...was cooked by Dad. He just wanted that to be known. Usually mum cooks most of it and dad stirs the gravy, or carves the bird, you know the score. But this year mum was emptying her nostrils into a box of mansized tissues and speaking like Kermit the frog, so we thought it best to cordon off the kitchen and let Dad save the day. He did amazingly - he'd just like that announced. The meat was delicious, the potatoes were fluffy on the inside and the parsnips were presented beautifully. We didn't even have to endure any sprouts.

So now we've cleared that up. Thanks Dad! Let's hope we don't all catch mum's cold anyway. I can't tell if my nose is twitching with a pre-cold warning sign, or because we've still got a hundred feather cushions in the building and I'm allergic...

well, jingle my bells...

Where has the time gone? It's now almost 11pm on Christmas day and I've just realised I've been sitting on this sofa for pretty much 12 hours, having shifted positions a few times to either open my pressies or reach for the remote control. But I guess that's the thing about Christmas,... you can do all this, (or, nothing) without feeling guilty, because you know that in houses on every street, in every town, in every city, in countries the whole world over, people are doing exactly the same thing. Except the Jews. And the Jehovah Witnessess, obviously. They're just clogging up the roads andChristmaspresent camping outside Next, waiting for the sale.

Anyway, all in all it's been a lovely day in the Wicks household. Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and surprisingly decent crackers was excellent. I got a suitcase on wheels from the rents, which is perfect for my trip to NY on the 18th of Jan, and for my month in NZ in Feb. I also got the obligatory pants and socks collection, and a toothbrush, which was hidden in the tree. I'm still not quite sure why, but mummy delighted in handing it to me so I accepted it gratefully. One can never have too many toothbrushes. The bro got me a book on how to handle men (how apt), and a pony. I asked for a pony, so I got one.  So what if it came in the form of a bathroom sponge with pink hair? I like it.

The boyf got me a list of things which, whilst I'm grateful for I'm slightly overawed by to be honest. My funds don't quite allow me to go crazy over gifts, so I get a bit embarrassed when people spend a ton on me without reason - especially when we're in the 'getting to know you' stage and I handmade him a t-shirt. Still, I guess some people just do things differently at Christmas. And one can never have too many DVD box sets.

So now, having made the friendly phone calls across the globe, indulged in too much cheese and half finished dad's alcohol collection, I'm almost ready to call it a night. I have another full day of sofa-dwelling to do tomorrow, after all.

NIght night all, and merry Christmas!

a crabby old woman...

Oldwoman I just found this poem on the Internet and was almost in tears. Aaaaaw. Read it, and I defy you not to get a little choked up! OK here's a little background;

When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was believed that she had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet:

What do you see, nurses? What do you see?
What are you thinking, When you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, Not very wise,
With faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food, And makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice The things that you do,
And forever is losing A stocking or shoe?
Who, resisting or not, Lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, You're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am, As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, As I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten With a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, Who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen With wings on her feet
Dreaming that soon now, A lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, My heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows That I promised to keep
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide, And a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other With ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons Have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me To see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, Babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, My husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing Young of their own,
And I think of the years And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman And nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, Grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone Where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass A young girl still dwells,
And now and again, My battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living Life over again.
I think of the years All too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact That nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, Open and see,
Not a crabby old woman;
Look closer . . . see ME!! 

By: Phyilis McCormack

dreaming of New Year's Eve...

Parky Workit   

pip pip hooray!!!

BearpresentOnly a few more hours till Pip gets here and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER! She's my bestest ozzy friend, flying in from Brisbane, which is apparently only marginally more dull than my own lovely home town, Spalding, but at least it's sunny there. Boy is she in for a shock when she touches down here.  At least the fog has cleared.

Can't wait to get her into a pub and catch up over a pint. Ooooh maybe we'll go to Brick Lane like old times. I can't remember the last time we had a drink together, even though that's pretty much all we did from the moment we first met, via an ad in Loot. We lived together for about two years, and she came to stay in NYC too,.. wow, we had some awesome times! PIP IS WICKED!

Anyway, now that there's hardly anyone in the office, I have a bottle of champagne and a beer on my desk (right next to my big gnome) and I'm about to go to Borough Market to stock up on cheeses to take home, it REALLY feels like Christmas. It's kind of like the last day of term at school, waiting to pack up and throw my books in the air, Grease style. Wooo hooooooo, merry Christmas everybody!

what we all wish we could say...

Christmaswishes_2ejpg

if you're stuck on gift ideas...

This has to be one of the best SNL skits since Will Ferrell and the cow-bell. Go Justin Timberlake, he did good on this one...

special friend update...

Normal_leonaxfwk1_18Well, so far Leona Lewis hasn't replied to my request for her friendship. I can only assume she's rather busy at the moment, having just scored a one million pound record deal and a host of celebrity friends. Not to mention the fact that it's Christmas. I'm sure she's THINKING about accepting me into her circle of trust... wandering the streets with her brand new entourage just wishing she was at home counting her mates on mySpace, but her life at the moment must be filled with minor inconveniences that stop her doing the usual stuff. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.  But I'm not buying her single yet, just in case...

today's award for the grossest ad goes to...