I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your... um...

All girls know that Halloween really isn't about covering yourself in gross fake blood and scaring the shit out of people anymore. It's about how to look hot. For girls, this is the one time of year when we can dress like a total tart and get away with it.

Work Colleague: "Why are you carrying a duster with your arse hanging out below your skirt?"
Employee: "I'm a French maid you naughtY, dirty little man. Give me a payrise or I'll dust your unmentionables in front of the accounts team."

There's been a lot of talk today about the impending lastminute.com Halloween Party, (in aid of Help a London child) which is taking place in The Old Monk on Tuesday 31st. Er,... Halloween, conveniently. Come come come! It'll be awesome.  And everyone's invited.  But as I'm going as Little Red Riding Hood - a costume I bought in NYC two years ago and haven't worn since - I desperately need someone to be my wolf. I'm trying to convince Tim as he's quite hairy, (snigger) but he thinks it's "too much effort". TOO MUCH EFFORT?  Stick a mask and a fur coat on boy, then get huffing...

Seriously, girls think long and hard about these things. And most boys just wait til the day and go to the pound shop to buy whatever shit they can find to make their existing outfit more cheery. The girls and I are all very excited, but so far in boy-ville only Andy has made an effort with his puke-inducing Pennywise costume. I have told him I'm not going near him if he dresses like a clown. Ever since one tried to make me enter the ring at Alan's Travelling Circus when I was little, I've hated anything in a mask that squirts water. And even though I know Andy will only be squirting beer, once he's drunk, I'm still very, very, very, VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY frightened. (Gulp). I mean, look at it!

I take it back boys. Why make an effort anyway. What's so wrong with a wizard?